Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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