The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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