Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He? As in you personified your dick?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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