thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
