i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
