If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
