I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
