good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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