Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
