You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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