I wish I could teleport
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
