Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sober January is a disaster.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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