You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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