i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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