Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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