i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
