u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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