you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
