Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
