well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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