I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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