I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
