I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
