I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
