i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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