So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
