Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
