I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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