hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
