I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
