I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
