So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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