i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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