I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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