He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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