i wish my penis had a tongue
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
