Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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