Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
