you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
