Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's the barista slut.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
