Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
