Will you blow on my dice?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
