He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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