i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
