i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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