David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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