I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
