did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
