Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
