ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
