Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
