You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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