she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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