Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
