the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.