I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
