genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.