He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
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But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.