Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
