woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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