I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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