yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let's paint friendship bongs
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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