Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
