I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
