oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And my parents said I crawled through the house
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
