there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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