so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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