if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
