A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
