"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
